Earlier this week the thought of having to pack all my things up, leave behind a newly fitted kitchen, and all I have invested (time and money) shocked me to the core. Then I realised that was all just ‘stuff’. It would be easy to think that the last 2 years have been a total waste of time, but I don’t see it like that. I’ve had the best of times and the worst of times, and I have been incredible fun and a nightmare. I’ve climbed mountains, run marathons, travelled, and found a job I’m happy with. I’ve picked myself up from rock bottom after choosing to move on from a life that others would give their right arm for but wasn’t right for me at the time, to be in happy place with myself. What it boils down to is that stuff doesn’t matter – people matter. There’s no point in me staying in a place where I’m not happy and the other person isn’t prepared to take me for who I am – an amazing/damaged/fragile/strong/intelligent/impetuous/determined/messy/loving person. I deserve the best I can get.
I could quite easily resort to eating pizza, drowning my sorrows with alcohol and foregoing my normal exercise regimen, but then the only person that hurts is me. So this week I have lifted weights, ran 13.5 miles, looked at flats, smiled and laughed with friends and family, discussed changes with work, sorted out unnecessary direct debits and I’m making a plan.
I’m focussing on the positives – the time on my own to do things that I haven’t done for ages: blog properly without question or guilt, workout every day, attend classes, learn a language, see friends, visit more places, go vegetarian and do precisely what I want.
This is my time now and I don’t want to waste a single second of it!