Finding my strong

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Earlier this week the thought of having to pack all my things up, leave behind a newly fitted kitchen, and all I have invested (time and money) shocked me to the core. Then I realised that was all just ‘stuff’. It would be easy to think that the last 2 years have been a total waste of time, but I don’t see it like that. I’ve had the best of times and the worst of times, and I have been incredible fun and a nightmare. I’ve climbed mountains, run marathons, travelled, and found a job I’m happy with. I’ve picked myself up from rock bottom after choosing to move on from a life that others would give their right arm for but wasn’t right for me at the time, to be in happy place with myself. What it boils down to is that stuff doesn’t matter – people matter. There’s no point in me staying in a place where I’m not happy and the other person isn’t prepared to take me for who I am – an amazing/damaged/fragile/strong/intelligent/impetuous/determined/messy/loving person. I deserve the best I can get.

I could quite easily resort to eating pizza, drowning my sorrows with alcohol and foregoing my normal exercise regimen, but then the only person that hurts is me. So this week I have lifted weights, ran 13.5 miles, looked at flats, smiled and laughed with friends and family, discussed changes with work, sorted out unnecessary direct debits and I’m making a plan.

I’m focussing on the positives – the time on my own to do things that I haven’t done for ages: blog properly without question or guilt, workout every day, attend classes, learn a language, see friends, visit more places, go vegetarian and do precisely what I want.

This is my time now and I don’t want to waste a single second of it!

sian

7 thoughts on “Finding my strong

  1. Well done you! I’m sending much love – I hope your new found freedom will allow time for meeting up for a drink sometime. Stay strong! xx

  2. This post has definite similarities to how I felt after my break up, especially you deserving to be wholeheartedly who you are! Enjoy doing so & reminding yourself how amazing/vulnerable/wonderfully unique you are 🙂 Glad that you are feeling ok & strong – I unashamedly LOVED being ‘selfish’ (I personally do not think it is selfish, maybe perhaps ‘self loving’ is a better term) after things went to pot & I’m still riding that wave. Agree to just let the other ‘stuff’ wash away (sometimes hard when it’s causing stress but it will slope off eventually) & focus on yourself x

    • I am looking forward to it for the same reasons. Still getting pangs of ‘I’m a horrible person’, ‘I need to be better, etc’, and ‘I’m such an idiot to let myself get so screwed over’, but I’m sure those will fade. xx

    • Hi you – I will be again in the new year, got a lot to catch up on. Just been partying, letting my hair down and enjoying myself. I am also moving to Milan in Italy in February so that’s going to bring with it new exciting challenges. How are you? Good Christmas?

      • Milan? Nice.
        Sitting in the Orlando airport heading home from a seven day cruise. Doesn’t feel like January in Florida.
        Holidays were great. Sounds like you had a great time also.

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