Cutting through the jargon

As a scientist myself and a consumer of average intelligence, I get frustrated with the dietary jargon floating around all over the media so here’s my translation of some of these buzz words:

Organic: Grown how it always was grown 50 years ago before some bright spark decided to use chemicals on crops. We now call unadulterated crops ‘organic’ (because things that are grown aren’t organic enough in their own right?) and are charged twice as much for the privilege. These types of produce can be found in shops in Esher where women who call their children Tarquin often frequent.

Low GI: Doesn’t contain 50 teaspoons of pure white cane sugar that will put you into diabetic shock at the mere whiff of it.

Probiotic: Contains some ‘friendly’ bacteria commonly found in your gut. ‘Scientists’ [read ridiculously good looking models wearing silly spectacles] on the adverts like to refer to this bacteria as ‘makesyoubetterium’ or some equally patronising name.

Low carb diet: I mean carbs aren’t important are they? It’s only every single cell in your body that needs glucose (a carbohydrate) to generate energy in the form of ATP. It’s no biggie if you cut that out, right?

If you have some other funny dietary buzz word translations I’d love to hear them?

7 thoughts on “Cutting through the jargon

  1. The science of a lot of claims is rubbish. But not a patch on things like shampoo – the added amino acids definitely end up in your hair from that route…

  2. Hehe, great post!
    “Organic” is one of my pet peeves because to be able to describe a product as organic you only have to show that one part of the production process was “organic”. Food manufacturers are always interpreting the food labelling rules creatively because having the organic label slapped on their product is such a great marketing tool (and they can charge about twice the price of non-organic food!)

    “detox” is another one. IT HAS NO MEANING! I’ve seen such a huge variety of random products and services, from juice drinks to shampoo to collonic irritation, claiming to be “detox” products. Detox diets as well … my liver and kidneys have been happily dealing with those awful toxins in coffee and bread for decades, I don’t need to live on “organic” brown rice and lemon water for weeks to “give them a break”.

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